Jun
28
2009
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Written by Will
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Sunday, 28 June 2009 |
An unexpectingly smooth and comforting buzz from the Johnnie Blacks the night before drift my consciousness slowly awake..
The initial blurs of my vision sharpen to the clarity of the morn with each repressed blink of the eye. A beautiful delight rests peacefully beside me; she's the third I took home this week. With such entrancingly deep and slow breaths as hers, it'd be hard to imagine even the slightest of desire for her to be elsewhere. As the cool mid-summer breeze intrudes the slightly open windows of my bedroom, her bare body presses passionately up against mine. Embracing her, a suggestive whisper rekindles an ever so recent evening.
Am I happy? Sure.
Two Years Ago - Escalating into an aggressive loud vibration, the energy saver mode of my $35 Craigslist air conditioner resumes to full power..
Attentively flashing for attention, my four year old alarm clock displays an inaccurate time of 2:03pm. The power had gone out while I was online, gaming, during last night's house party. I hadn't even bothered to correct the time. It's nearing the end of the afternoon as I roll out of bed. Surrounding my desk are empty soda bottles, my source of late night energy. A month to go before I join the real world, I am currently in the longest break I've ever had since starting college. Without a damn thing to do, time sure seems so plentiful.
Was I happy then? Most definitely.
"Is there a formula—some mix of love, work, and psychological adaptation—for a good life? For 72 years, researchers at Harvard have been examining this question, following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age. Here, for the first time, a journalist gains access to the archive of one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. Its contents, as much literature as science, offer profound insight into the human condition—and into the brilliant, complex mind of the study’s longtime director, George Vaillant."
- Quoted from: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200906/happiness
A recent article featured in The Atlantic, an editorial magazine, claimed to have found the source of all human happiness: love. Irrefutable evidence for sure, right? I mean, heck - close to a century of Harvard research led by the Director for the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard University himself, George Vaillant! How could you possibly dissent such reputable facts? Written by Joshua Shenk, the article struggles to summarize the most fascinating of Vaillant's case studies to answer the question: What Makes Us Happy?
Happiness is an innate human emotion which is accessible to us the minute we are brought into this world. It is based on a set of criteria we set for ourselves which make us comfortable and content with our current environment.
We are born happy with no grandiose image of ourselves; sometimes smiling without even knowing why. Adults often times feel nostalgic over their childhood because of this. Now, how difficult is that to achieve again? By society and the environment around us, we are constantly presented with new criterion for happiness. Already achievable pleasures become outweighed by the thought of a potentially greater level of happiness. Through this social conditioning, we are placed onto hedonic treadmills towards the next best alternative.
“The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life seems to arise from over-rating the difference between one permanent situation and another.”
- Adam Smith, The Theory of Moral Sentiments
A life of chasing after dreams: Learn to walk. Recite the alphabet. Make some friends. Finish grade school. Get a college degree. Find a reliable job. Get married. Start a family. Get promoted. Build your 401k. Retire. Great, now what? What's next? Nicer clothes? Hotter girlfriend? Sharper television? Better furniture? Luxury car? Bigger house? More property? Maybe even a boat. IT NEVER ENDS. But when we do, will we truly be happier? Compared to what? The grass will always be greener on the other side. Happiness is subjective to its boundaries.
Is there such thing as a greater level of happiness?
The acceptance of the Nobel Prize, an award conveying true social prestige. The breakthrough moment for a scientist who decodes the genetic mystery of a previously incurable human epidemic. An aspiring Buddhist who reaches the final level of enlightenment necessary to become a monastic. Receiving the acceptance call for a well-paid job during a time of economic hardship. That first bite into a meal after a long drawn out wait in hunger. Without getting too much into the philosophical discussion on the many pathways to happiness, it is clear that happiness is achievable in many forms.
If we can already be happy with where we are, why strive?
Striving for happiness and striving in life are two different. An enlightened sense of happiness occurs when we are capable of accepting the current condition of the environment and having faith in our ability to handle all that's ahead. Striving for goals in life is about taking the journey; for the experience. As we are all bound by the fate of death, life can be seen as an arena for heroism. Self-fabricated immortality can be achieved by the offering of value to society so significant, that it will be remembered across many generations.
The end result is anti-climatic. Life is about the journey.
Do not seek happiness in the future. Happiness is now!
Happiness is love; the love for life. |
May
08
2009
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Jealousy, an Unattractive Trait |
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Written by Will
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Friday, 08 May 2009 |
Beyond physical allure, what character traits do we generally look for in a girl?
She should be: Fun. Playful. Adventurous. Sexually adventurous. Sensual. Affectionate. Caring. Loyal. Responsible. Decisive. Well-mannered. Cultured. Fashionable. Sophisticated. Confident. Positive. Independent. Non-possessive. Non-jealous. Non-judgmental. Open-minded. Understanding. Etc. All fantastic traits which make for a great life partner. One who you could most definitely enjoy traveling the world with. Now, let's say that you do come across a girl with most of the attractive characteristics I've illustrated above.. Would you be able to handle her?
With all the right things going on for your girl, she will naturally draw the attention of other people. Yes, even other dudes! omgnoway Why? How come?! She's attractive; so it's inevitable. End of story. No need for further elaboration there. You always wanted that super sexy cool girl, right? Well, you got her. Now it's time for you to deal with some of the bullshit that comes with having an attractive partner. The more comfortable you are with this reality, the more attractive you will be to her. Consider it as a test of your strength as a man!
So, let's go over some of the basics of challenges -
Past Relationships
Innocence is an unachievable idealism that will bring your world into a downward spiraling plunge if you continue to look for it. The idea that such a girl with an untainted heart can exist is so paradoxically rare; you will only find them in those sappy romance movies. Unless her parents hid her well inside a basement while taking at-home schooling, any attractive girl is bound to have been romantically involved some way or another. It's beneficial for both of you to have had past relationships. Life experiences that bring you closer to what you truly desire.
Sexual History
A girl's sexual history is arbitrary. Can you blame her for wanting to express her sexuality? How about you? How many times in your adolescence did you want to fuck some random girl you barely even knew? You were horny. And so are girls. Whether she was with some scroungy dork who made sex feel like a chore or the star quarterback who gave her mind-blowing orgasms; you are now the man of the hour. No time for self-doubt. With the right amount of Dominance, Emotion, Variety, and Immersion - you will rock her world to a whole new level!
Girls Nights Out
Not all relationships work out in success. Unlike guys, girls can't really go out on their own. It's a dangerous world out there. So they will form their little packs and head out on their "Girls Night Outs" to hook up their single friends. There's really nothing to be worried about here. If you've been socializing with her friends and being that awesome guy.. They will serve to be the most effective cockblocks I've ever seen; working in your favor! Keep that in mind next time you refuse to hang out with her friends just so you can stay at home and play your video games.
The Better Looking, Wealthier Guy
Stepping out of his Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano, a tall masculine figure dressed in a well-pressed designer suit and European dress shirt makes his way towards you and your girl waiting for the bus. The reflection of the sun off his unimaginably expensive shades catches you off-guard, blinding your vision for a brief moment. When you look back, your girl is ecstatically giving him a big hug and kiss on the cheek combo. Okay, let's stop right here. Regardless of how ridiculously exaggerated this scenario is, you should be able to feel completely comfortable in your own skin at the time of such an occurrence.
The greatest misconception known to guys is that looks and money alone will get the ladies.
From this belief, what do most guys go and do? They work hard to become that doctor, lawyer, accountant, business owner, etc to handle their problem with women by buying them lavish gifts. It's awesome to have great aspirations in life. But do keep in mind that - It's not the money that attracts women; it's the drive and ambition. Once money comes into play, the guy is instantly categorized as the Provider type. A girl who would usually put out on the first few dates is now "not that type of girl." What happens to that guy when someone wealthier comes along? It's a game you cannot win.
For the gifted few of us who have ridiculously good looks, kudos and congratulations. But unfortunately, women are not wired for attraction based on physique alone. It is an insignificant factor. The great Casanova himself wasn't too physically appealing at all. I see great looking (and wealthy) guys out at the bars and nightclubs all the time. Without that charm and conversational skills, they simply become a tease to women. Instead of having choice in women, they wait around until women approach them. Shortly after though, you will see the girls leave them in utter disappointment.
The Good "Friend"
This is your average frustrated chump who hasn't figure out how to game girls yet. He will listen to your girl for hours on end complain about her life and relationship woes with the subtlest communications that he would treat her better. The only positive response he will ever get from your girl though is "aww, you're such a good friend." Offering rides to anywhere and everywhere at anytime, this guy's time is more worthless than a homeless guy in the streets of Manhattan. Let her vent to him.
Going into my first relationship, I was as jealous as you could possibly imagine. I'd check her e-mail, phone, AIM conversation logs, and even comments she would leave on her friend's blogs. I was obsessive and overly possessive about her. I'd get jealous over every guy she would interact with; even the nice waiters at restaurants I would take her out to. I'd criticize her for being flirty. And get paranoid that she was cheating on me. I was essentially wrapping her up in a nice little present for the next guy to take her away from me. Her rationale would've been: "Well, he thinks I'm doing it anyways." And it happened; self-fulfilled prophecy.
Jealousy communicates insecurity. The root of this feeling comes from a fear of loss and lack of value. Repeat that to yourself. Jealousy communicates insecurity. The root of this feeling comes from a fear of loss and lack of value. As a quality gentleman, do you really want to be communicating this to your partner? Occupy your spare time by improving yourself and social circle. Be confident in your girl's ability to decide who the better man is. If she fails and picks some random chump, that is entirely her loss. And it's time for you to move onto better things.
Trust your girl; have faith. |
Apr
15
2009
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Written by Will
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Wednesday, 15 April 2009 |
Before I get into the powerfully attractive nature of positive emotions in a man, let's explore the origin of negative emotions from our upbringings. Brought into this world, we are quickly exposed to what is within our reach of attainability and what is not. No matter how much we yell, kick, or scream - our parents will not feed or give us certain things we may not be ready for. This reality of unattainable desires begins to sink in as a negative state of our emotions; manifested when we begin to wish that the present reality in front of us was in some way different.
Expression of negative emotions (anger, frustration, sadness, hate, etc) can be seen as one's submission to the presently undesirable reality. It's natural. And perfectly fine during a time of severe tragedy. But when compared to the larger and greater problems in this world, how truly upsetting is yours? Remember the first time you learned the word "unfair?" I'm sure we can all recall the moments in our childhood where we cried ourselves to sleep repeating the words "this isn't fair." You were the victim; and everyone was out to make your life more miserable. Poor you!
Hopefully enough, we have all grown out of that immature mindset and are now more aware of how to better handle ourselves. Unrealistic expectations of an ideal life will only set you up for a major upset. Believe me, shit happens. To both good and bad people. And there is much much more to come! The more energy you expend, the more draining the situation will become. So don't resist the reality when it does occur. It will only bog you down. Your bitching and complaining doesn't help either. No seriously, it doesn't.
Recognize the problem; then take the right action to overcome it.
You know the pain in your muscles you feel when having a great work out? There are people in this world who pay big bucks for world-class trainers to help them feel that same exact pain. Feel it; live for it. Almost sadistically even! The quicker you become numb to the pains of life, the easier it will be for you to grow from it. When repeatedly confronted with undesirable realities, you will begin to develop a mental reflex for handling life's conflicts. Your mind will become jaded to the idea of negativity. And the threshold of which breaks your reality will only strengthen.
Men who are unaware of how to move forward from conflict will remain in their negative states; trapped inside their emotional static. They will complain on and on about how they wish this was that. They will obsess over the future, in hopes of sudden change of their current reality. But by resisting the present, they may even fail to understand the problem itself. This is similar to the guys who go out to nightclubs and talk about how bad of a night it is. If you ever feel like you're having a bad night: acknowledge it, and then move in the direction which will make you happier.
By acquiring a natural comfort and secure feeling of the world, you will begin to walk through life with absolute confidence. The level of control you have over your life will communicate the masculine traits all women subconsciously look for in men. Never nervous of the unknown, your calm state will make others around you feel at-ease within the environment. Navigating the complexities of the world with the same certainty as with the simplest of facts, you will naturally become a leader. From the strength of your own beliefs, the reality within will become the reality of your life.
This is not a technique; it is a state of being. Trust in self. |
Mar
23
2009
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Written by Will
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Monday, 23 March 2009 |
Another week; another day; another night; same plans; same places; with the same people. Life can get a little dull when everything is on autopilot. And many continue to live this way without much thought of how socially limiting it can be. Even I have managed to fall once again into an unhealthy routine! I'm not advising you to pursue a different career, transfer schools, stop going to the gym, or avoid hanging out with your close friends. That would be ludicrous. There are many great things in life you probably want to keep on a repeated basis.
By limiting myself to where I socialize, I have become victim to a self manifested scarcity mentality. I have been casting my line in the same few docks for way too long. This has truly crippled the idea of maintaining an abundance mindset when it comes to meeting and connecting with women. Having had already connected with a good majority of the regulars at these venues, the select few who are new to the scene instantly get higher attention on my radar than everyone else. And due to this artificial shortage, I have gradually become more attached to the outcome of these interactions.
There are far too many extraordinary people in this world for me to rely on chance alone. What are the most traditional and socially accepted ways for a guy and a girl to meet? Through friends or family, at the workplace, small social gatherings, religious groups, or professional arrangements. Very limited indeed. And with this limitation comes a series of very dependent, needy sub-communications which will turn off any highly sought after girl. Yet, many men rely on this minimal chance that they will some day meet the girl of his dreams through these channels and live happily ever after.
I'm certain there are super awesome couples who had met this way. I personally know a few, and they're great! But when looking at the divorce rates, need for marriage counseling, and utterly retarded relationship issues for the remaining majority.. you will begin to a see a pattern: The guy will most likely had been blinded by his self-fulfilled limitation of women to have settled for that "special one" who just so happened to have landed on his lap. Without having had dated that many women and based on a limited experience, how do they honestly know if she is the best for them? They don't.
Personally, I would want to be able to look at my loved one right in her eyes to honestly say that I have seen everything that is out there and know without a single doubt that she is in fact the most amazing woman in the world. But in order for this to happen more rapidly, we must continue to expand our horizons. Achieve great abundance by keeping open to where you interact with people. Explore new venues. Hang out with a variety of different social groups. Open on the street, the commute to work, at the mall, food courts, coffee shops, airports, restaurants, everywhere.
Approach at will, Wherever and whenever. Defy the norm. Make it happen! |
Mar
03
2009
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Written by Will
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Tuesday, 03 March 2009 |
Ask a girl what she looks for in a man, and she will rarely ever mention any of what I'm about to tell you. The concept is so trivial, which may also be the reason why it is often times overlooked. Unfortunately, the majority of guys fail to recognize what exactly it is that women expect from us. From the perspective of an unsatisfied woman, I can now see why some men are abandoned, divorced, or even cheated on. Aside from preferences for specific character or personality traits, women subconsciously look for men to satisfy two primary roles in their lives: the Lover, and the Provider.
The Lover
This is the dominant, sexual, passionate, and masculine man.
He makes the girl feel beautiful and desirable; in and out of bed.
The Provider
This is the nice, stable, driven, and even romantic gentleman.
He provides a sense of security and a promising future together.
Depending on where they are in life, a woman's desire for one over the other will vary.
While still young and insecure about themselves, girls will prefer to have more of the lover type with a dash of first-love romance. At this age though, boys are quite far from their prime; they will be sub-lovers and/or sub-providers. As girls mature, they will slowly transition to seek a bit more security from a potential past heartbreak. As they reach the age around marriage, their desire for either or just about balances off to be equivalent. Once the idea of children and family come into play; the provider role continues to skyrocket as the role as a lover slowly dwindles away over time.
Now, where do most men fail? And why?
Women, intentional or not, have a tendency to give off attention-seeking signals. Go to Facebook and check the Status Updates of all your female friends and you'll begin to see what I mean. With this, follows a flurry of guys who will offer their fullest attention, care, and act as the super sweet nice guy. They'll walk a thousand miles to feed the girl soup in bed, just because she has a small cough. They'll ask her out on fancy romantic dinners, send her a bouquet of roses to her workplace, and eventually give her that diamond ring she's been waiting for. Aw, how romantic! This used to be me.
Now wait just a minute there pal.. What the fuck did she do for you to gain all this undeserved attention? Absolutely nothing. By going out on a whim and soliciting yourself so easily, you just lowered your value to close to worthlessness. You weren't even a challenge for her. And in the mean time, other guys are offering the same exact thing. So you have just become a commodity to her.
So, what do you do to differentiate yourself?
Do not become the over-provider. She has survived X number of years without you; she'll be just fine without your help. You should not have to take care of every little thing for her. It'll foster a very dependent relationship. And right then when you realize just how much of a mistake you had made, she'll begin to wonder why you're not as "sweet" as you were when the two of you first met. Start the relationship off as the lover. It's an easier transition to fulfill the provider role; rather than vice versa. Make sure to realize that satisfying both roles throughout the relationship is necessary in order for it to grow.
Women do not have the luxury of waiting around for you to grow up. So quit being a bitch and step it up! |
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