Sep
21
2009
|
The Inevitable Promise of Love |
|
Written by Will
|
|
Monday, 21 September 2009 |
The sudden sound of a camera's shutter resonates into the far away distance. Snuggled together in their hotel blanket, a couple rests at the edge of a remote coastline admiring an ever so perfect sunset. The air so crisp; the water so calm; and the sand so white. Like painting on a disappearing canvas, the moment seems to slip away the more they try to contain it. Repressing the urge to take another photo, they fall back into their comfortable embrace with trust that such magnificence cannot be forgotten. Completely relaxed without a care in the world, whispers of love are exchanged as the sun continues to fade into the evening.
Who could ever forget the wonderful feeling of being in a new relationship? Sudden bursts of smiles from the sheer thought of seeing each other. Late night phone calls just to hear each other fall asleep. Waking up together to a brisk cold winter wonderland, warm and cozy underneath the covers. Telling all your friends and family about how awesome your new significant other is. Posting up the hundreds of pictures you took together while away on vacation. Hands in hand, exploring the world as if it was an entirely new terrain. Life feels so much brighter; so much more promising than it ever did before.
From the mindset of an active player, all this lovey-dovey talk would most definitely signal off countless red alerts with "Abort Mission!" labels. Yes, that is the case for a lot of hookups; where it would be best to break it off the morning after or way before anything had even started. Why? To thwart even the slightest of possibility of an unhealthy emotional attachment based on their naive upbringings and understanding of relationships. Whether you were a virgin, a freshman in college, recouping from a breakup, or giving off too strong of a needy vibe; now you know why it wasn't taken any further. It would've been unfair.
However though, let's say a nonexclusive relationship between two individuals managed to continue on for days, weeks, or months even.. How long could such a relationship last? Like addicts craving for the taste of sex love and lust, both could definitely gain from the relationship. While everything may be on the down low, the relationship will naturally go beyond the 2am 3am 4am booty calls sooner or later. The two of you will eventually spend some of the time together doing somewhat coupley things: dinner, movie, shopping, traveling, etc. Otherwise, the relationship would be too impersonal to last as long as it did.
From immature breakups to the most unexpected engagements; I'm sure you've seen it all. Spiteful status updates that are specially crafted for the sole purpose of stimulating their significant other's insecurities. The constant stream of "we broke up" and "no we're back together" updates. The I love you, I hate you relationship identity crisis periods. Maybe eventually reaching the Coolidge effect where everything in the relationship becomes uneventful and stale. Or on the brighter side, suddenly disappearing for a few months then coming back with questions on where to find a quality ring for the proposal.
We get none of that. So where exactly are we?
Unconstrained by the openness of our relationship, both of us act single and remain on the pursuit while apart. Sometimes falling asleep in the arms of our other lovers, we may even question whether or not this is what we had really wanted. The most indescribable of hard feelings hits when either of us long for the other while they are preoccupied with another. And to shield our hearts from heartbreak, we swallow our desires for the evening in desperate acceptance of the given situation as it is. Always yearning for more but in great company of one another; we wander in a bittersweet uncertainty lost in a void between relationships.
When our bodies do finally meet half way, time seems to extend itself for us to enjoy each other. From the top to the bottom, twisting and turning, covering ourselves in our own sweat and saliva, upright and head down, until we reach that familiar climax triggering the most pleasurable of shivers into an almost blissful fatigue. Right then, I can look deep into those beautiful eyes of yours and envision a happy life together. I know I can make you happy. And I'm sure you could do the same. However so, a certain cloud of doubt draws me away from that potential future. And I do apologize for being so cautious. I'm still not entirely sure what I'm looking for.
The longer we keep this going, the more riskier it'll be for the both of us. The more we become invested, the more we become emotionally attached. We all secretly wish we had that special someone to put some meaning behind to singing along to the lyrics. An inevitable promise of love builds over our fabricated reality. It's only a matter of time before the emotional threshold of yours or mine will be exhausted. I'll tell you this though - For when our search comes to an end, we will know without a question of a doubt with stronger conviction and absolute trust that what we have found is what we had been looking for all along.
For however long this lasts, I hope you enjoy it for what it's worth. |
Jul
30
2009
|
Stepping Out of the Friend Zone |
|
Written by Will
|
|
Thursday, 30 July 2009 |
I know you. I see your texts when I'm with the girl you're pursuing. Friendly in nature and completely platonic. Okay, maybe a dash of suggestive flirting here and there. But based on how quickly you respond to her, I can tell you've been dying to make things a bit more romantic ever since the two of you met. Somehow or another, you ended up in the friend zone and it's not easy getting out. Let's see how you ended up there.
It was the summer of 2004. Just finishing my freshman year, my first girlfriend ever and I were having some issues with the distance of her going back home to California while I stayed in Boston to attend summer classes. Conflict and drama over insignificant relationship issues haunted our immature little hearts of what would only be a few months apart. Jealousy ensued. She decided to break it off. And at the same time, a very cute girl popped into my life. One who I managed to attract quite quickly; even with my lack of understanding in pursuing the opposite sex.
Imaginative sparks of love filled the air as we would go for walks down the empty streets of Commonwealth Avenue in the evenings. We talked about everything and anything. I'd call her. She'd call me. I even cooked her the only decent dish I knew how to prepare at the time: penne alla vodka. It was so crystal clear to anyone who could see the shimmer in her eyes that she was very much into me. One late night, she gave me a call telling me she needed a place to stay overnight because her roommate was being rowdy. Whether this was true or not, I'm not certain. But we can assume it was just her trying to make the move.
I met her half way between her place and mine. Walking back to my apartment, it was getting a bit cold and I could tell she wanted to be held. I kept to myself and gave her my windbreaker instead. Once back at the apartment, I wasn't really sure of myself on how to proceed with the given situation. I decided to play a game of Counter-Strike as she slipped into my bed and watched from a distance. Every inch of my body wanted to get in that bed with her. I played for another few rounds. After washing up, I could tell she was still restless and had been waiting for me. I placed some sheets aside my bed and fell asleep on the floor.
I was frustrated and disappointed with myself the next day. I somehow rationalized to myself the reason I couldn't make the move was because I was still in love with my ex-girlfriend. Nervous and afraid of losing the only intimate relationship I had ever conjured, I called her crying to confess my trip down desire lane. I puffed up clouds of cigarette smoke into the air as I walked alone along the Charles River at night in tears. I even contemplated suicide by jumping into rushing cars on Storrow Drive over what had happened. It seemed like the romantic thing to do. I got back with my girlfriend. And the girl? We went our separate ways.
I was a fucking emotional wreck back then. Chode status.
So what the fuck happened? How did I end up where I did?
I had been brainwashed. My actions and thoughts had been a construct of social conditioning. I was lacking confidence and trust in my existing set of faculties. As we mature in society, we are presented with both positive and corrupting beliefs. While on one hand, many of what society teaches us is great for our survival and self-preservation.. There are many corrupting messages regarding romantic pursuits. Learn to identify and question these corrupting beliefs. From television, advertisements, the radio, friends, family, work, media, religion, movies and music: romance is defined to us by Hallmark companies; rather than discovering it on our own.
There's a fine line when it comes to being romantic and being flat out stalkerish. While society dictates acceptable forms of what is romantic and not, keep in mind that it is simply an expression of appreciation. You cannot sustain or develop strong attraction with lavish romantic attempts alone. Guys have an odd fascination with supplicating in these various ways to win over a girl. This is both unsustainable and unreliable. The longevity of any relationship, platonic or romantic, is the mutual value gained from one another. When you take a girl out on a date, bring her into your reality; and not into an artificially fabricated dreamland.
More often than not, many dream that being able to have super hot sex all day long with the girl of their dreams will solve all their problems. Will it? Most definitely not. There are far much more complexities involved in being in a relationship; especially with a girl of extreme quality and desire. If you want to be successful with that one special girl, you should strive to be successful with yourself first. Women are not superficial goddesses. They are in this world to compliment you and your life. Take her off that platinum coated pedestal and begin to see women in a different shade of light. You are the pivot of which this world spins on.
Okay, now let's get you out of the friend zone!
First thing you will have to do is disappear. Yes disappear! Not literally, but from her life for a temporary time being. Limit your social contact with her to a bare minimum. Long enough so that she misses your currently frequent conversations and gets her thinking about you in curiosity. "omg. but what if she gets a boyfriend? what if i miss my opportunity?!" What opportunity? Your current relationship as just-a-friend isn't stopping her from seeing other guys anyways. During this time apart, keep yourself busy and growing in every direction possible: mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. This is all for YOU and NOT her.
Upon re-entering her life after a month or so, she will be presented with a powerfully attractive new man. You'll be both socially and emotionally more adept. With more friends and in greater shape than you've ever been in, your lifestyle will be one she will be craving to be a part of. While all of this may serve you well from having her drop you back into the friend zone, the most important factor is that you must be comfortable with being sexual. As hidden intentions are by far creepier than revealing them, put it out there. Compliment her physique. Express how much you've missed her and want her back in your life. And take it from there.
Go get 'em tiger! |
Jun
28
2009
|
Written by Will
|
|
Sunday, 28 June 2009 |
An unexpectingly smooth and comforting buzz from the Johnnie Blacks the night before drift my consciousness slowly awake..
The initial blurs of my vision sharpen to the clarity of the morn with each repressed blink of the eye. A beautiful delight rests peacefully beside me; she's the third I took home this week. With such entrancingly deep and slow breaths as hers, it'd be hard to imagine even the slightest of desire for her to be elsewhere. As the cool mid-summer breeze intrudes the slightly open windows of my bedroom, her bare body presses passionately up against mine. Embracing her, a suggestive whisper rekindles an ever so recent evening.
Am I happy? Sure.
Two Years Ago - Escalating into an aggressive loud vibration, the energy saver mode of my $35 Craigslist air conditioner resumes to full power..
Attentively flashing for attention, my four year old alarm clock displays an inaccurate time of 2:03pm. The power had gone out while I was online, gaming, during last night's house party. I hadn't even bothered to correct the time. It's nearing the end of the afternoon as I roll out of bed. Surrounding my desk are empty soda bottles, my source of late night energy. A month to go before I join the real world, I am currently in the longest break I've ever had since starting college. Without a damn thing to do, time sure seems so plentiful.
Was I happy then? Most definitely.
"Is there a formula—some mix of love, work, and psychological adaptation—for a good life? For 72 years, researchers at Harvard have been examining this question, following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age. Here, for the first time, a journalist gains access to the archive of one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. Its contents, as much literature as science, offer profound insight into the human condition—and into the brilliant, complex mind of the study’s longtime director, George Vaillant."
- Quoted from: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200906/happiness
A recent article featured in The Atlantic, an editorial magazine, claimed to have found the source of all human happiness: love. Irrefutable evidence for sure, right? I mean, heck - close to a century of Harvard research led by the Director for the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard University himself, George Vaillant! How could you possibly dissent such reputable facts? Written by Joshua Shenk, the article struggles to summarize the most fascinating of Vaillant's case studies to answer the question: What Makes Us Happy?
Happiness is an innate human emotion which is accessible to us the minute we are brought into this world. It is based on a set of criteria we set for ourselves which make us comfortable and content with our current environment.
We are born happy with no grandiose image of ourselves; sometimes smiling without even knowing why. Adults often times feel nostalgic over their childhood because of this. Now, how difficult is that to achieve again? By society and the environment around us, we are constantly presented with new criterion for happiness. Already achievable pleasures become outweighed by the thought of a potentially greater level of happiness. Through this social conditioning, we are placed onto hedonic treadmills towards the next best alternative.
“The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life seems to arise from over-rating the difference between one permanent situation and another.”
- Adam Smith, The Theory of Moral Sentiments
A life of chasing after dreams: Learn to walk. Recite the alphabet. Make some friends. Finish grade school. Get a college degree. Find a reliable job. Get married. Start a family. Get promoted. Build your 401k. Retire. Great, now what? What's next? Nicer clothes? Hotter girlfriend? Sharper television? Better furniture? Luxury car? Bigger house? More property? Maybe even a boat. IT NEVER ENDS. But when we do, will we truly be happier? Compared to what? The grass will always be greener on the other side. Happiness is subjective to its boundaries.
Is there such thing as a greater level of happiness?
The acceptance of the Nobel Prize, an award conveying true social prestige. The breakthrough moment for a scientist who decodes the genetic mystery of a previously incurable human epidemic. An aspiring Buddhist who reaches the final level of enlightenment necessary to become a monastic. Receiving the acceptance call for a well-paid job during a time of economic hardship. That first bite into a meal after a long drawn out wait in hunger. Without getting too much into the philosophical discussion on the many pathways to happiness, it is clear that happiness is achievable in many forms.
If we can already be happy with where we are, why strive?
Striving for happiness and striving in life are two different. An enlightened sense of happiness occurs when we are capable of accepting the current condition of the environment and having faith in our ability to handle all that's ahead. Striving for goals in life is about taking the journey; for the experience. As we are all bound by the fate of death, life can be seen as an arena for heroism. Self-fabricated immortality can be achieved by the offering of value to society so significant, that it will be remembered across many generations.
The end result is anti-climatic. Life is about the journey.
Do not seek happiness in the future. Happiness is now!
Happiness is love; the love for life. |
May
08
2009
|
Jealousy, an Unattractive Trait |
|
Written by Will
|
|
Friday, 08 May 2009 |
Beyond physical allure, what character traits do we generally look for in a girl?
She should be: Fun. Playful. Adventurous. Sexually adventurous. Sensual. Affectionate. Caring. Loyal. Responsible. Decisive. Well-mannered. Cultured. Fashionable. Sophisticated. Confident. Positive. Independent. Non-possessive. Non-jealous. Non-judgmental. Open-minded. Understanding. Etc. All fantastic traits which make for a great life partner. One who you could most definitely enjoy traveling the world with. Now, let's say that you do come across a girl with most of the attractive characteristics I've illustrated above.. Would you be able to handle her?
With all the right things going on for your girl, she will naturally draw the attention of other people. Yes, even other dudes! omgnoway Why? How come?! She's attractive; so it's inevitable. End of story. No need for further elaboration there. You always wanted that super sexy cool girl, right? Well, you got her. Now it's time for you to deal with some of the bullshit that comes with having an attractive partner. The more comfortable you are with this reality, the more attractive you will be to her. Consider it as a test of your strength as a man!
So, let's go over some of the basics of challenges -
Past Relationships
Innocence is an unachievable idealism that will bring your world into a downward spiraling plunge if you continue to look for it. The idea that such a girl with an untainted heart can exist is so paradoxically rare; you will only find them in those sappy romance movies. Unless her parents hid her well inside a basement while taking at-home schooling, any attractive girl is bound to have been romantically involved some way or another. It's beneficial for both of you to have had past relationships. Life experiences that bring you closer to what you truly desire.
Sexual History
A girl's sexual history is arbitrary. Can you blame her for wanting to express her sexuality? How about you? How many times in your adolescence did you want to fuck some random girl you barely even knew? You were horny. And so are girls. Whether she was with some scroungy dork who made sex feel like a chore or the star quarterback who gave her mind-blowing orgasms; you are now the man of the hour. No time for self-doubt. With the right amount of Dominance, Emotion, Variety, and Immersion - you will rock her world to a whole new level!
Girls Nights Out
Not all relationships work out in success. Unlike guys, girls can't really go out on their own. It's a dangerous world out there. So they will form their little packs and head out on their "Girls Night Outs" to hook up their single friends. There's really nothing to be worried about here. If you've been socializing with her friends and being that awesome guy.. They will serve to be the most effective cockblocks I've ever seen; working in your favor! Keep that in mind next time you refuse to hang out with her friends just so you can stay at home and play your video games.
The Better Looking, Wealthier Guy
Stepping out of his Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano, a tall masculine figure dressed in a well-pressed designer suit and European dress shirt makes his way towards you and your girl waiting for the bus. The reflection of the sun off his unimaginably expensive shades catches you off-guard, blinding your vision for a brief moment. When you look back, your girl is ecstatically giving him a big hug and kiss on the cheek combo. Okay, let's stop right here. Regardless of how ridiculously exaggerated this scenario is, you should be able to feel completely comfortable in your own skin at the time of such an occurrence.
The greatest misconception known to guys is that looks and money alone will get the ladies.
From this belief, what do most guys go and do? They work hard to become that doctor, lawyer, accountant, business owner, etc to handle their problem with women by buying them lavish gifts. It's awesome to have great aspirations in life. But do keep in mind that - It's not the money that attracts women; it's the drive and ambition. Once money comes into play, the guy is instantly categorized as the Provider type. A girl who would usually put out on the first few dates is now "not that type of girl." What happens to that guy when someone wealthier comes along? It's a game you cannot win.
For the gifted few of us who have ridiculously good looks, kudos and congratulations. But unfortunately, women are not wired for attraction based on physique alone. It is an insignificant factor. The great Casanova himself wasn't too physically appealing at all. I see great looking (and wealthy) guys out at the bars and nightclubs all the time. Without that charm and conversational skills, they simply become a tease to women. Instead of having choice in women, they wait around until women approach them. Shortly after though, you will see the girls leave them in utter disappointment.
The Good "Friend"
This is your average frustrated chump who hasn't figure out how to game girls yet. He will listen to your girl for hours on end complain about her life and relationship woes with the subtlest communications that he would treat her better. The only positive response he will ever get from your girl though is "aww, you're such a good friend." Offering rides to anywhere and everywhere at anytime, this guy's time is more worthless than a homeless guy in the streets of Manhattan. Let her vent to him.
Going into my first relationship, I was as jealous as you could possibly imagine. I'd check her e-mail, phone, AIM conversation logs, and even comments she would leave on her friend's blogs. I was obsessive and overly possessive about her. I'd get jealous over every guy she would interact with; even the nice waiters at restaurants I would take her out to. I'd criticize her for being flirty. And get paranoid that she was cheating on me. I was essentially wrapping her up in a nice little present for the next guy to take her away from me. Her rationale would've been: "Well, he thinks I'm doing it anyways." And it happened; self-fulfilled prophecy.
Jealousy communicates insecurity. The root of this feeling comes from a fear of loss and lack of value. Repeat that to yourself. Jealousy communicates insecurity. The root of this feeling comes from a fear of loss and lack of value. As a quality gentleman, do you really want to be communicating this to your partner? Occupy your spare time by improving yourself and social circle. Be confident in your girl's ability to decide who the better man is. If she fails and picks some random chump, that is entirely her loss. And it's time for you to move onto better things.
Trust your girl; have faith. |
Apr
15
2009
|
Written by Will
|
|
Wednesday, 15 April 2009 |
Before I get into the powerfully attractive nature of positive emotions in a man, let's explore the origin of negative emotions from our upbringings. Brought into this world, we are quickly exposed to what is within our reach of attainability and what is not. No matter how much we yell, kick, or scream - our parents will not feed or give us certain things we may not be ready for. This reality of unattainable desires begins to sink in as a negative state of our emotions; manifested when we begin to wish that the present reality in front of us was in some way different.
Expression of negative emotions (anger, frustration, sadness, hate, etc) can be seen as one's submission to the presently undesirable reality. It's natural. And perfectly fine during a time of severe tragedy. But when compared to the larger and greater problems in this world, how truly upsetting is yours? Remember the first time you learned the word "unfair?" I'm sure we can all recall the moments in our childhood where we cried ourselves to sleep repeating the words "this isn't fair." You were the victim; and everyone was out to make your life more miserable. Poor you!
Hopefully enough, we have all grown out of that immature mindset and are now more aware of how to better handle ourselves. Unrealistic expectations of an ideal life will only set you up for a major upset. Believe me, shit happens. To both good and bad people. And there is much much more to come! The more energy you expend, the more draining the situation will become. So don't resist the reality when it does occur. It will only bog you down. Your bitching and complaining doesn't help either. No seriously, it doesn't.
Recognize the problem; then take the right action to overcome it.
You know the pain in your muscles you feel when having a great work out? There are people in this world who pay big bucks for world-class trainers to help them feel that same exact pain. Feel it; live for it. Almost sadistically even! The quicker you become numb to the pains of life, the easier it will be for you to grow from it. When repeatedly confronted with undesirable realities, you will begin to develop a mental reflex for handling life's conflicts. Your mind will become jaded to the idea of negativity. And the threshold of which breaks your reality will only strengthen.
Men who are unaware of how to move forward from conflict will remain in their negative states; trapped inside their emotional static. They will complain on and on about how they wish this was that. They will obsess over the future, in hopes of sudden change of their current reality. But by resisting the present, they may even fail to understand the problem itself. This is similar to the guys who go out to nightclubs and talk about how bad of a night it is. If you ever feel like you're having a bad night: acknowledge it, and then move in the direction which will make you happier.
By acquiring a natural comfort and secure feeling of the world, you will begin to walk through life with absolute confidence. The level of control you have over your life will communicate the masculine traits all women subconsciously look for in men. Never nervous of the unknown, your calm state will make others around you feel at-ease within the environment. Navigating the complexities of the world with the same certainty as with the simplest of facts, you will naturally become a leader. From the strength of your own beliefs, the reality within will become the reality of your life.
This is not a technique; it is a state of being. Trust in self. |
|
