Oct
22
2007
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Written by Will
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Monday, 22 October 2007 |
The transformation from extreme introvert to moderate extrovert has been quite the journey now. And it's not over yet.
For the longest time, I had rationalized a healthy social life with conversations I would have over VoIP applications like Skype and Ventrilo over the internet. There, I'd talk to friends from high school or gamers I had met over the internet on a daily basis about life and all that. I'd sit there hours on end playing a game, surfing the net, or even doing my homework. For this reason alone, there was a huge gap for friends I had made in college. I was complacent with my lifestyle. At social events, I felt uncomfortable and drained by it. I hid in my room during my fraternity's house parties. Or avoided them entirely by going to some place more quiet, like my girlfriends' at that time.
I had a critical view of socializing. It seemed "fake," insincere, and mindless. I'm glad that this truly bogus, self-limiting perspective has changed for the better. I now feel more at-ease in all social environments. More connected to the world. People now intrigue me. It's fun to meet new people. And I've realized that conversations are only limited to what each person is willing to explore. Regardless of the different lives we live, there will always be an emotional connection to relate to. Emotions are universal. It's saddening to see potentially remarkable conversations dissipate due to lack of transition. Skip the mundane bullshit and learn to truly conversate. You owe it to yourself and everyone around you.
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Oct
22
2007
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Written by Will
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Monday, 22 October 2007 |
Last week at work, I was contacted by my HR personnel to inform me of a project engagement opportunity in Tokyo. From the end of October until the end of the year, with only a single week back in Boston. Although heavy traveling as a consultant may be a norm, international work is very rare. Especially to such an exotic location. Domestic, you're given optional fly-home weekends. But, this case was different. I became quickly overwhelmed with the idea of becoming distanced with those in Boston. From moving around so often during my childhood, I had developed a fear of losing those who I care of. And finally when I felt like I had control of where I would be, I was given this option. With much hesitation, I decided to accept the project. Bittersweet as it is - If I don't go, I know I will regret it. And if I do go, I know I will love it.
> Tokyo, Sunday October 28th 2007
< Boston, Friday November 16th 2007
(back for my birthday and Thanksgiving)
> Tokyo, Sunday November 25th 2007
< Boston, Friday December 21st 2007
Next entry will be in Tokyo. I'm going to miss you Boston! |
Oct
11
2007
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Written by Will
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Thursday, 11 October 2007 |
Human thought and rationalization has truly muddled the definition of love. Passion, deep affection, warm personal attachment, sexual desire, sexual intercourse, a strong embrace, etc.. are some of the words found to describe it. There are entire sections of bookstores dedicated to defining it to its fullest. Philosophers spent their entire lives contemplating on the perfect metaphor of it. But, you know what? It's not as complicated as we make of it. Love is universal. And very dynamic. It is present across societies, race, sex, generations, and even intellect. It is possible to love without an intellectual cause. Is it fair to label the interaction between a mother fox and her young as "loveless" because the lack of intellect? Absolutely not.
Simply put: Love is the selfless desire for another to be happy.
"Love suffers long, and is kind. Love never fails.
There was a moth once who lived in a forest. Every night she flew to a clearing where a cabin stood, in which a hermit lived. The hermit spent night after night reading by the light that came from the flame in the lamp. The flame was covered with the glass lampshade. The moth fell in love with the flame. The invisible barrier of the glass lampshade separated the moth from her beloved, the flame. So the moth spent night after night beating her wings against the glass lampshade till morning. Other moths in the forest could not understand such passion. Look at yourself, you are all banged up, who needs love like that, they said laughing to the moth in love. But she never listened to them, and flew to the clearing again as the dusk fell. Then one day as she was beating her wings against the glass, the lampshade shattered. The moth flew straight into the flame, and she became the flame. The perfect unity of the lovers had been achieved.
Love is an activity, not an emotional state.
I think to love a woman means to take action motivated by my wish to make her happy, on her own terms. She is a human being, she has her own idea of happiness, based on her experience. She might have the wrong idea from my point of view, and I might do something kind to convince her that my idea of happiness would be better for her - and yet ultimately she is the one who has to decide what happiness means for her. She makes the choice what she wants her life to be like.
It is not possible to own a human being. Attachment is neurotic and destructive.
Compassion, emotional generosity, kindness are creative.
If I love a woman, I want her to be happy. But she chooses her happiness. If she is happy with me, my love is fulfilled. If she is truly happy without me - or with someone other than me - my love is fulfilled.
That is what love is all about."
Quoted from D. Vorontzov. |
Oct
11
2007
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Written by Will
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Thursday, 11 October 2007 |
Growing up, my father and mother had a tough marriage. There were nights where my father wouldn't return home from work. By the time I was 12, my mother had decided to leave and pursue a career as a freelance Zen artist in South Korea. My brother and I were now in custody of my father. After introducing us to several of his girlfriends, one eventually became my step mother. So, it was almost natural for me to want to be the better man and treat women with the utmost care.
As I moved across the suburbs of New Jersey prior to my High School years, I made a lot of girl (space) friends. But never did I have a girl become attracted to me. I was the nice guy. I was sweet and I listened to what they had to say. I would let them talk to me about their endless boy issues, talk about how conceited most guys were, then watch them fall for the same asshole guys over and over again. I never understood it. I thought it was the whole "badass" attitude. But, that wasn't it. You know what attracted them to these guys? The "abundance" attitude.
Into my first relationship, I wanted to be the "perfect" boyfriend ever. I didn't want to lose my "one and only." Within our first month together.. I was going out on romantic late-night walks along the Charles River, talking for hours on end over the phone whenever we were more than a mile apart, putting aside all my new friends for her, missing out on any social get-togethers, taking her out to nice restaurants, buying her flowers, becoming jealous, breaking down whenever she would go out to nightclubs with her friends, and in total summary of it all: being an AFC (average frustrated chump). Rarely were my efforts ever appreciated. Of course they wouldn't. I was being way too generous, way too early.
How did I allow myself to become like this? Why do guys place girls who they barely know on such a high pedestal? Because they're attractive? Because they're beautiful? Because they're unique? Come on now. Unfortunately, only now do I understand the effects of infatuation. I had a scarcity mentality. I had thought that I would never find as beautiful as her. Heck, you don't know if this girl had stole from your good friends. Been the driver of a past hit and run accident. Or how terribly obnoxious and disrespectful she is around her family. Be careful with your judgments. You should never think so highly of people you barely know.
Although the physical attributes of your new eye candy may lure your heart into disbelief of alternative desires.. there are indeed, many other fish in the sea. Don't let nonsense clutter your thoughts. There are many of them, but only one of you. You are the prize! |
Oct
11
2007
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Written by Will
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Thursday, 11 October 2007 |
By continuously going out at nights throughout the weeks, I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of interesting people. Those who I may, or may never see again. Whether they were initially rude or unfriendly, I have become better calibrated to allow them to engage in a genuinely interesting conversation by the end of our interaction. There are many reasons why people find themselves at the bar, lounge, or nightclub on any given night. It may be a friend's birthday, bachelor or bachelorette party, random celebration, co-workers night out, hanging out with friends, stress relief, to drink, to dance, to find a significant other, for self-validation, and the most fascinating to date: to find a wealthy partner.
Conversations with these type of girls are fun and intriguing. They are very much like a job interview. They skip anything meaningful to talk about and go directly to discuss your credentials. I might as well print out a copy of my resume and income statement for them to review. Most of the time, they themselves are not as well established as they'd like to be. In fact, all they have going for them are great physical attributes. They are attracted to guys with nice cars, designer clothing, expensive jewelry, corporate jobs, and most importantly: money. They are out to find men who belong to the "tribe" of the rich, luxurious, and lavish lifestyles where the rewards of success are easily accessible to them.
I have had girls who would abruptly grab my hand away to investigate the brand of my watch, while pretending to be looking for the time. Their intent becomes slightly more obvious when they straight up ask about the cost of my watch, the brand of my clothes, or what type of car I drive. Rarely do they ever pay attention to the depth or context of our conversation. When asked what I drive, I usually respond with a mass produced economy car. When asked what I do for a living, I usually respond by saying that I work as a freelance street pharmacist. If they can connect one and one together, they pass my shit test and I vaguely describe what I really do for a living. I can then move onto greater and more interesting topics.
It's quite unfortunate, but the law of diminishing returns applies greatly for these type of girls. While their physical beauty may last for a little while, it will most likely decrease over time. Wealth in the right hands, have a higher probability to grow exponentially. These girls will be leased and never purchased. That would be the sound short-term investment decision by an intellectual, wealthy individual. Even for those who are gifted with natural beauty, self development and growth is a must. My advice to you girls, communicate a deeper personality within. |
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