Apr
15
2009
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Written by Will
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Wednesday, 15 April 2009 |
Before I get into the powerfully attractive nature of positive emotions in a man, let's explore the origin of negative emotions from our upbringings. Brought into this world, we are quickly exposed to what is within our reach of attainability and what is not. No matter how much we yell, kick, or scream - our parents will not feed or give us certain things we may not be ready for. This reality of unattainable desires begins to sink in as a negative state of our emotions; manifested when we begin to wish that the present reality in front of us was in some way different.
Expression of negative emotions (anger, frustration, sadness, hate, etc) can be seen as one's submission to the presently undesirable reality. It's natural. And perfectly fine during a time of severe tragedy. But when compared to the larger and greater problems in this world, how truly upsetting is yours? Remember the first time you learned the word "unfair?" I'm sure we can all recall the moments in our childhood where we cried ourselves to sleep repeating the words "this isn't fair." You were the victim; and everyone was out to make your life more miserable. Poor you!
Hopefully enough, we have all grown out of that immature mindset and are now more aware of how to better handle ourselves. Unrealistic expectations of an ideal life will only set you up for a major upset. Believe me, shit happens. To both good and bad people. And there is much much more to come! The more energy you expend, the more draining the situation will become. So don't resist the reality when it does occur. It will only bog you down. Your bitching and complaining doesn't help either. No seriously, it doesn't.
Recognize the problem; then take the right action to overcome it.
You know the pain in your muscles you feel when having a great work out? There are people in this world who pay big bucks for world-class trainers to help them feel that same exact pain. Feel it; live for it. Almost sadistically even! The quicker you become numb to the pains of life, the easier it will be for you to grow from it. When repeatedly confronted with undesirable realities, you will begin to develop a mental reflex for handling life's conflicts. Your mind will become jaded to the idea of negativity. And the threshold of which breaks your reality will only strengthen.
Men who are unaware of how to move forward from conflict will remain in their negative states; trapped inside their emotional static. They will complain on and on about how they wish this was that. They will obsess over the future, in hopes of sudden change of their current reality. But by resisting the present, they may even fail to understand the problem itself. This is similar to the guys who go out to nightclubs and talk about how bad of a night it is. If you ever feel like you're having a bad night: acknowledge it, and then move in the direction which will make you happier.
By acquiring a natural comfort and secure feeling of the world, you will begin to walk through life with absolute confidence. The level of control you have over your life will communicate the masculine traits all women subconsciously look for in men. Never nervous of the unknown, your calm state will make others around you feel at-ease within the environment. Navigating the complexities of the world with the same certainty as with the simplest of facts, you will naturally become a leader. From the strength of your own beliefs, the reality within will become the reality of your life.
This is not a technique; it is a state of being. Trust in self. |
Mar
23
2009
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Written by Will
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Monday, 23 March 2009 |
Another week; another day; another night; same plans; same places; with the same people. Life can get a little dull when everything is on autopilot. And many continue to live this way without much thought of how socially limiting it can be. Even I have managed to fall once again into an unhealthy routine! I'm not advising you to pursue a different career, transfer schools, stop going to the gym, or avoid hanging out with your close friends. That would be ludicrous. There are many great things in life you probably want to keep on a repeated basis.
By limiting myself to where I socialize, I have become victim to a self manifested scarcity mentality. I have been casting my line in the same few docks for way too long. This has truly crippled the idea of maintaining an abundance mindset when it comes to meeting and connecting with women. Having had already connected with a good majority of the regulars at these venues, the select few who are new to the scene instantly get higher attention on my radar than everyone else. And due to this artificial shortage, I have gradually become more attached to the outcome of these interactions.
There are far too many extraordinary people in this world for me to rely on chance alone. What are the most traditional and socially accepted ways for a guy and a girl to meet? Through friends or family, at the workplace, small social gatherings, religious groups, or professional arrangements. Very limited indeed. And with this limitation comes a series of very dependent, needy sub-communications which will turn off any highly sought after girl. Yet, many men rely on this minimal chance that they will some day meet the girl of his dreams through these channels and live happily ever after.
I'm certain there are super awesome couples who had met this way. I personally know a few, and they're great! But when looking at the divorce rates, need for marriage counseling, and utterly retarded relationship issues for the remaining majority.. you will begin to a see a pattern: The guy will most likely had been blinded by his self-fulfilled limitation of women to have settled for that "special one" who just so happened to have landed on his lap. Without having had dated that many women and based on a limited experience, how do they honestly know if she is the best for them? They don't.
Personally, I would want to be able to look at my loved one right in her eyes to honestly say that I have seen everything that is out there and know without a single doubt that she is in fact the most amazing woman in the world. But in order for this to happen more rapidly, we must continue to expand our horizons. Achieve great abundance by keeping open to where you interact with people. Explore new venues. Hang out with a variety of different social groups. Open on the street, the commute to work, at the mall, food courts, coffee shops, airports, restaurants, everywhere.
Approach at will, Wherever and whenever. Defy the norm. Make it happen! |
Mar
03
2009
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Written by Will
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Tuesday, 03 March 2009 |
Ask a girl what she looks for in a man, and she will rarely ever mention any of what I'm about to tell you. The concept is so trivial, which may also be the reason why it is often times overlooked. Unfortunately, the majority of guys fail to recognize what exactly it is that women expect from us. From the perspective of an unsatisfied woman, I can now see why some men are abandoned, divorced, or even cheated on. Aside from preferences for specific character or personality traits, women subconsciously look for men to satisfy two primary roles in their lives: the Lover, and the Provider.
The Lover
This is the dominant, sexual, passionate, and masculine man.
He makes the girl feel beautiful and desirable; in and out of bed.
The Provider
This is the nice, stable, driven, and even romantic gentleman.
He provides a sense of security and a promising future together.
Depending on where they are in life, a woman's desire for one over the other will vary.
While still young and insecure about themselves, girls will prefer to have more of the lover type with a dash of first-love romance. At this age though, boys are quite far from their prime; they will be sub-lovers and/or sub-providers. As girls mature, they will slowly transition to seek a bit more security from a potential past heartbreak. As they reach the age around marriage, their desire for either or just about balances off to be equivalent. Once the idea of children and family come into play; the provider role continues to skyrocket as the role as a lover slowly dwindles away over time.
Now, where do most men fail? And why?
Women, intentional or not, have a tendency to give off attention-seeking signals. Go to Facebook and check the Status Updates of all your female friends and you'll begin to see what I mean. With this, follows a flurry of guys who will offer their fullest attention, care, and act as the super sweet nice guy. They'll walk a thousand miles to feed the girl soup in bed, just because she has a small cough. They'll ask her out on fancy romantic dinners, send her a bouquet of roses to her workplace, and eventually give her that diamond ring she's been waiting for. Aw, how romantic! This used to be me.
Now wait just a minute there pal.. What the fuck did she do for you to gain all this undeserved attention? Absolutely nothing. By going out on a whim and soliciting yourself so easily, you just lowered your value to close to worthlessness. You weren't even a challenge for her. And in the mean time, other guys are offering the same exact thing. So you have just become a commodity to her.
So, what do you do to differentiate yourself?
Do not become the over-provider. She has survived X number of years without you; she'll be just fine without your help. You should not have to take care of every little thing for her. It'll foster a very dependent relationship. And right then when you realize just how much of a mistake you had made, she'll begin to wonder why you're not as "sweet" as you were when the two of you first met. Start the relationship off as the lover. It's an easier transition to fulfill the provider role; rather than vice versa. Make sure to realize that satisfying both roles throughout the relationship is necessary in order for it to grow.
Women do not have the luxury of waiting around for you to grow up. So quit being a bitch and step it up! |
Feb
20
2009
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Demonstrating Higher Value |
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Written by Will
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Friday, 20 February 2009 |
I still remember my first few nights going out trying to incorporate the Mystery Method. If you're unaware, this is the stuff you see on VH1's reality show: The Pickup Artist. I had a well-prepared, double-sided reference sheet loaded with conversational dialog in the tiniest font imagineable. From the opening gambit, alongside with negs, stories which demonstrated higher value, dealing with logistics, the number close, the kiss close, and even the lines to get the girl back to my place. It worked.
I found the method way too mechanical for my style. I genuinely didn't care about the half the shit I was talking about. I quickly moved onto the more natural approach after my first week of using MM. This was wayy back in the Fall of 2007. It wasn't for me. Now don't get me wrong. I know a handful of successful Pickup Artists in the community who still use this type of material. Here's the thing, they are: Pickup Artists. Who do YOU want to be?
Are you trying to seduce women so they have a sudden desire to sleep with you? Then, my good sir - there are a plethora of Magic Bullet solutions with proven conversational dialogs that will take you straight into that field of imposed success with women. There are even neurolinguistic programming techniques, which will help you practically hypnotize your targets! In theory, all this stuff works. Yes, in theory.
But by learning any of this stuff, how does this add any value to who you are? Are any of these applicable to everyday conversation? The problem with these techniques is simple: you are TRYING to get women. So automatically, you are coming from a position of lower value. It doesn't have to be that hard. You can become that desirable man that doesn't have to go out of his way to get all sorts of quality women. Don't go out of your way to "Demonstrate Higher Value." True gentleman don't have to.
Your confidence and social suave should be enough of a reason for women to become interested in you. You should provide approval; not seek it. People often times associate great conversationalists to those who had allowed them to talk for the majority of it. What's the lesson here? Listen. Show genuine interest. Of course, contribute to the conversation when you must; you don't want it sounding like an interview. And right then, when you know she's really into you.. that's when you can allow her to discover all the spectacular things about your life. Feed her curiosity, only when she is truly curious.
I've recently incorporated a different style at going about the way I socialize with people I've never met before: I'm not a nightlife promoter. I don't have a corporate job. I didn't go to any university. And I definitely don't know any of their friends. Does this all really matter? Must I depend on any of these variables in order for me to create a great connection with another person? There is much more depth to who I am. And the same applies to you. Set aside any favorable conditions that may ease in the conversation and try not to repeat any stories you find yourself telling too often.
It's a social handicap. I find it both challenging and fun. Are you game? |
Feb
12
2009
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Lessons from Dale Carnegie |
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Written by Will
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Thursday, 12 February 2009 |
Published back in 1936 with over 16 million copies sold world-wide, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie still serves as one of the greatest books of understanding human nature ever written. After having had read hundreds and thousands of pages of books, e-books, blog posts, and forum threads on social dyamics - almost every bit of advice can be traced back and broken down into the lessons discussed in Carnegie's book. For anyone who has not yet read it, I highly suggest ordering a copy off of Amazon right this very instant; it's a little under 300 pages. From my initial purchase about a year ago, I have read and re-read it in its entirety three times. And because I seem to reference it so often, I decided to post this awesome summary I had found online:
Building Personal Relationships
Never criticize, condemn or complain.
- Self-criticism is extremely rare. Your criticism won't be welcome.
- Criticism makes others defensive and resentful.
- Positive Reinforcement works better.
Become genuinely interested in other people.
- People are most interested in themselves.
- Remember people's birthdays and other important details.
Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
- Find the interests of others and talk about those things.
- If you know nothing of their interests, ask intelligent questions.
Be a good listener.
- Give your exclusive attention to others.
- Urge others to talk about themselves. Ask pointed questions.
Make the other person feel important.
- People yearn to feel important and appreciated.
- Praise others' strengths and they'll strive to reinforce your opinion.
Use Names whenever possible.
Smile.
- Greet others with smiles and enthusiasm.
- Smiling comes through even over the phone.
Selling your Ideas: Establish a Space for Cooperation
Avoid arguments: you can only lose.
- Arguers will defend and embrace their previous positions.
- Even "winning" will hurt the loser's pride and build resentment.
A Guide to avoiding arguments:
1. Welcome the disagreement. Be thankful for a new opinion.
2. Stay calm.
3. Listen first. Hear your opponents out.
4. Identify areas of agreement.
5. Admitting errors will make it easier for others to admit theirs.
6. If no resolution is found, postpone action and promise to explore the opposing perspective.
Begin in a friendly way.
- Open conversation with sincere praise, appreciation and sympathy.
- A friendly tone will allow others to broach discussions more openly.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Eagerly listen to concerns to diffuse tension and build relationships.
- Others need to finish spilling their ideas before listening to you.
Be sympathetic.
- Most people hunger for sympathy.
- Tell them: "I'd feel the same way under those circumstances."
Respect others' opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
- People don't like to admit they're wrong and may take it personally.
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Demonstrate your willingness to rationally examine the facts.
- If another is about to criticize you, don't let them start!
- A harsh self-rebuke may prompt the others to soften their critiques.
- Admitting errors clears guilt and everyone to move forward quickly.
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
- Another's perspective and motivation is the key to understanding their decisions, agenda and personality.
Frame requests in terms of what others find motivating.
- Ask yourself: "Why would someone want to do what I'm asking?"
Selling your Ideas: Closing the Deal
Get the other person saying "yes, yes" as soon as possible.
- Emphasize things all parties already agree on.
- You will build momentum toward acceptance.
Dramatize your ideas.
- It helps to make a visual, visceral demonstration.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- People are more committed to their own ideas.
- Make suggestions and let others come to the desired conclusion.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Appeal to ideals: a mother's love, personal character, integrity, etc.
Throw down a challenge.
- Stimulate competition among co-workers.
- Challenge someone's capabilities/self-perceptions.
Leadership: Giving Criticism & Driving Improvement
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- It is easier to take criticism after some praise.
- Look for things done well before calling attention to failings.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- The burden of criticism is easier to bear when shared.
- It's motivating when another has overcome the same challenges.
Call attention to people's errors indirectly.
- Direct, harsh criticism can destroy incentive to improve.
- Suggest alternatives: "How user-friendly will this feature will be?"
- Suggest that the idea isn't flawed; it's the environment or situation.
Let the other person save face.
- Others will get defensive for fear of being embarrassed.
- Additionally, always try to give criticism in private.
Make the fault seem easy to correct. Use encouragement.
- Make faults seem easy to correct and new skills easy to learn.
Praise the slightest improvement and every improvement.
- Praise reinforces the development of a desired behavior.
- Make praise as specific as possible.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Example: "You're quite capable, but your recent projects aren't up to your old standards."
- Respecting others' capabilities will empower them to succeed.
Leadership: Motivating Others
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Example: "Would it make sense to organize these alphabetically?"
Try to make the other person happy about doing things you suggest.
- Make others feel too important for tasks you don't want them to do.
- Give out titles and authority: make others happy contributors
Step by Step Guide to movtivating others to do tasks:
1. Be Sincere. Don't promise what you can't do or deliver.
2. Know preciesly what it is you want the other person to do.
3. Be Empathetic. Try to understand what others want.
4. Focus on any benefits the other person might receive.
5. Explain how those benefits match the other person's wants.
6. Frame requests to communicate that the other person will personally benefit.
Summary, Quoted from: http://www.notesofintelligence.com/influence/ |
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