A midnight summer cruise circles intimately around the shoreline of the Boston harbor. The city light reflections promenade gently across the passing waves, almost in complete cadence with the beat of the DJ's music. Attendance for the occasion isn't as promising as all the marketing hype made it out to be. Like a high school dance, small groups comprised of only the closest of friends mingle amongst one another. It's safe. Without any solid connections at the event, an average looking individual prominently engages just about everyone as he makes his way to the best looking girls at the very back of the ship. With a confident smile and welcoming vibe to his approach -
"Hey girls, I'm really sorry.. but I'm afraid you guys have to get off this boat."
Not the best opening; not even close! But an opening nonetheless. That was the exact opening line that got me connected with my second girlfriend ever. It was fun, playful, and an interesting enough icebreaker to what would have been a missed encounter. Think about all those times you wish you could have approached a girl, but instead glimpsed at her for the remainder of the evening. What exactly were you waiting for? The perfect pickup line? A formal introduction? Or that unrealistic fantasy of her approaching you? If I had to wait around for the perfect of conditions to meet someone, my network would be significantly smaller than it is today. Life is short. Carpe diem!
With every social event, there will always be a handful who prefer to keep to themselves for the sake of staying within their comfort zone. They will eventually somehow rationalize to themselves that they have no interest and/or that they are perfectly fine with the way they are. The truth of the matter is, they are afraid of stepping outside of social norms and making connections outside of their social circle. I've been there plenty of times. But I'm more than certain that if you're single and looking, limiting yourself to those who you already know is just asking to be a part of one of those incestuous circle of friends. Or going without sex for a very long time. You could have choice.
The same apply to any social event - so don't roll your eyes and think so highly of yourself for not attending the nightlife scene if you don't. That is another bullshit of a rationalization that gets disproved time and time again: the idea that quality girls do not go "clubbing." Welcome to the now! There are no rules or guidelines for acceptable forms of meeting a significant other outlined anywhere. You don't have to wait for your friends to introduce you to someone or hope for an awkward moment at some concession stand with some beautiful girl. That's all in your head. From my experience of going out three or more events weekly for the past two or so years.. I've met and interacted with great people from all walks of life.
People will eventually go out to celebrate a birthday or something significant.
The nightlife just so happens to be where the highest volume of people are.
Okay, so let's delve a bit deeper into the right mindset for an approach..
At any given moment, there is a greater depth of experience that is fully within your grasp. While you cannot control a woman's response, you will always have control over whether or not you walk up to her and say hello. You are not your mind. Give yourself permission to be amazing and just go. Nothing is more exciting and attractive to a girl than a man with the confidence to make an approach. Solid game is built on sustained effort from the experience of wanting to become the best at the art of approaching and the pure enjoyment of the act. Whereas weak game relies on ego-based bluster of desirable artificial outcomes and the superficial acceptance from others.
Being a chode is easy. Seriously. There is no expenditure of any energy whatsoever. You buy a drink, lean against the bar, and stare blankly until the night is over. Drive home, complain that the night sucked, and then repeat it all over again next week. You will not be humiliated, there are no risks involved, and heck you can even convince yourself that you looked cool for maybe a minute or two! What a fucking fantastic lifestyle. I see guys do this week in and week out. Until of course, they miraculously find a random girl who in drunken stupor lands on their lap to take home. Then they'll disappear for a few months only to return single again. These guys do not have choice in the women they date.
Now. Let's say you took the shot the other guys didn't...
Out of all the chodes in the room, YOU are the one willing to risk rejection and welcome failure to get what you want. Learn to laugh at yourself and let everything go. This is all for fun. You didn't dip your toes into the pool to check how cold it was before going in; you did a fucking canonball into the deep end! There are thousands of them and only one of you. HAVE FUN, Go socialize, and share the love! Assume success in yourself. People all around you are your potential friends and girls want you (they just don't know yet). Talk to everyone and anyone; socialize. Don't discriminate or judge people while you're at it. Your purpose is to have fun and allow others to have fun with you.
Seriously. What's the worst that can happen? You're not going to die. I promise.
(When you're a newbie, you're going to look like a dumbass. And that's alright.)
The more you think about the approach, the more of your valuable time is wasted. Eventually, you may even talk yourself out of it. You've been socially conditioned to stop yourself from talking to "strangers." It's really not that hard. You did it when you were little. Just go in with whatever happens to be on your mind. "Hey, I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. I'm Will. Who are you?" It's as simple as that. Don't hesitate. Don't over-analyze. Your words should be nothing more than an afterthought. A simple "hello" followed by a short pause works just as well. Throw in a solid smile and flirtatious comments and BAM you're in!
You can really do or say almost anything you want.
Lower your standards of how to open a conversation.
In order to be a champion - you need to learn how to not give a fuck. Don't try to be confident; be indifferent. What people say or think of you is irrelevant as long as you are the fun social one. You're just out opening conversations and meeting new people. And most importantly, having fun. Get out of your head, stop evaluating yourself and others, stop thinking about random bullshit, and just go. Get into interactions fast! You are outcome independent and are willing to walk away from just about any conversation. Eliminate the idea that you are out to pick up girls. If one goes sour, don't take it personally and keep moving forward. Make approaching people you don't know a habitual thing that you just do.
To make things a little bit easier for you to practice on your own,
I'll break down some various openers as well as provide examples.
As an option to your approach, you can either root your introduction or not. In all cases though, make sure to smile! The indirect approach is usually rooted with a reason for the approach as it is often times followed up by an opinion question. Make sure the question you ask is somewhat relevant to your root and interesting enough for you to listen to their answer. The direct approach communicates interest right from the get-go and can also be rooted as to how you saw her. By joining or starting a conversation as if you already knew them, you are assuming rapport and can go great lengths if they play along to your reality. Maintain a stronger frame with good eye contact in order for this to work.
Assumed Rapport:
- "OMG. I'm sooo sorry I'm late. What are you girls drinking?"
Indirect Opener: (Rooted)
- "My friends and I were just talking about...
and were wondering what you girls thought about..."
- "Hey! So my friend thinks you're really cute..."
Direct Opener: (Rooted)
- "Hey, I noticed you from across the room and..."
- "I noticed... about you and had to come say hi."
- "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you really caught
my attention. And I'd love to get to know you better."
Direct Opener: (Un-Rooted)
- "Hi. I'm Will."
- "Heyyy, what's up?"
Upon being presented the obligatory hand shake:
"You know what, you're cute. We should just hug."
I'll get into how to handle conversations on my next article.
Until then...
gl, HF, gg.
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