You awaken in a slightly intoxicated daze to the sound of a passing car as it splashes against shallow puddles of rain just below your apartment window. Light thunders roll gently in the background alongside infrequent droplets of rain as you drift in and out of the morning calm from what seems to have been a maelstrom of an evening. Repressing each progressive blink, you can only wonder what unwelcoming surprises the shadows of the suddenly stranger world have awaiting for you.
Was it a month ago? Last week? Or just yesterday?
Mists from the shower had settled on the bareness of your bodies just before it was turned away. You can vividly remember holding her lower waist as your dominant hand held hers firmly against the bathroom wall. Caressing the back of her neck with a slow moving kiss, she would grasp the shower curtain with a downward force as you entered further inside her world than anyone ever had. The shower steaming impatiently as time descended to an infinite uncertainty, it could’ve been hours before the two of you would eventually dry off in bed on a day similar to this morning.
How quickly we forget.. that it’s actually all over.
From the day when everything on your mind was her, and everything on her mind was you.. something went wrong. Somewhere along the path to happily-ever-after did we forget to hold hands or remember to look back to make sure we were still heading in the same direction. As each step forward was taken together, we discovered more about who we really were, how we interacted with the world, and most importantly where we were heading in life. And when we eventually discovered it wasn’t the same destination, conflict ensued.
Passively aggressive. Outbursts of frustration.
Time apart. Time with friends. Time with each other..
Until the cold strange feeling of no longer being able to relate with your significant other had settled in.
Looking back at the beautiful mess of a memory we had created, it’s hard to just forever let go. Dusty picture frames showing off our happiest moments, a plethora of little trinkets and travel memorabilia to remember everywhere we had gone, and from what seems to be a perfect set of Facebook tagged photos to let anyone and everyone know that we were indeed very happy together.. How is it then possible for us to look back at our conjoining footsteps across this isolated beach and decide to now go our separate ways?
Intimately close yet emotionally disconnected, we try even harder. One obviously holding on stronger than the other, it’s clear by now that what was once natural and effortless has become increasingly difficult and forced. Attentively pacing slower and faster to get back in sync, this brief turbulence seems to have done its job of setting the two of you completely off course.
You can probably contemplate on forever as to how or why something so beautiful had to change. But it did. And like the changing seasons or a wilting flower, there’s no longer time left for resistance. As you look afar out into the ocean, nothing may seem as appetizing. The risk of another few years of your life passing by keeps you emotionally detached and jaded by the thought of courtship or another pursuit. And it’s fine.
Take the time you need. Recollect yourself.
Know what you want, and then go for it.
I know you. I see your texts when I’m with the girl you’re pursuing. Friendly in nature and completely platonic. Okay, maybe a dash of suggestive flirting here and there. But based on how quickly you respond to her, I can tell you’ve been dying to make things a bit more romantic ever since the two of you met. Somehow or another, you ended up in the friend zone and it’s not easy getting out. Let’s see how you ended up there.
It was the summer of 2004. Just finishing my freshman year, my first girlfriend ever and I were having some issues with the distance of her going back home to California while I stayed in Boston to attend summer classes. Conflict and drama over insignificant relationship issues haunted our immature little hearts of what would only be a few months apart. Jealousy ensued. She decided to break it off. And at the same time, a very cute girl popped into my life. One who I managed to attract quite quickly; even with my lack of understanding in pursuing the opposite sex.
Imaginative sparks of love filled the air as we would go for walks down the empty streets of Commonwealth Avenue in the evenings. We talked about everything and anything. I’d call her. She’d call me. I even cooked her the only decent dish I knew how to prepare at the time: penne alla vodka. It was so crystal clear to anyone who could see the shimmer in her eyes that she was very much into me. One late night, she gave me a call telling me she needed a place to stay overnight because her roommate was being rowdy. Whether this was true or not, I’m not certain. But we can assume it was just her trying to make the move.
I met her half way between her place and mine. Walking back to my apartment, it was getting a bit cold and I could tell she wanted to be held. I kept to myself and gave her my windbreaker instead. Once back at the apartment, I wasn’t really sure of myself on how to proceed with the given situation. I decided to play a game of Counter-Strike as she slipped into my bed and watched from a distance. Every inch of my body wanted to get in that bed with her. I played for another few rounds. After washing up, I could tell she was still restless and had been waiting for me. I placed some sheets aside my bed and fell asleep on the floor.
I was frustrated and disappointed with myself the next day. I somehow rationalized to myself the reason I couldn’t make the move was because I was still in love with my ex-girlfriend. Nervous and afraid of losing the only intimate relationship I had ever conjured, I called her crying to confess my trip down desire lane. I puffed up clouds of cigarette smoke into the air as I walked alone along the Charles River at night in tears. I even contemplated suicide by jumping into rushing cars on Storrow Drive over what had happened. It seemed like the romantic thing to do. I got back with my girlfriend. And the girl? We went our separate ways.
I was a fucking emotional wreck back then. Chode status.
So what the fuck happened? How did I end up where I did?
I had been brainwashed. My actions and thoughts had been a construct of social conditioning. I was lacking confidence and trust in my existing set of faculties. As we mature in society, we are presented with both positive and corrupting beliefs. While on one hand, many of what society teaches us is great for our survival and self-preservation.. There are many corrupting messages regarding romantic pursuits. Learn to identify and question these corrupting beliefs. From television, advertisements, the radio, friends, family, work, media, religion, movies and music: romance is defined to us by Hallmark companies; rather than discovering it on our own.
There’s a fine line when it comes to being romantic and being flat out stalkerish. While society dictates acceptable forms of what is romantic and not, keep in mind that it is simply an expression of appreciation. You cannot sustain or develop strong attraction with lavish romantic attempts alone. Guys have an odd fascination with supplicating in these various ways to win over a girl. This is both unsustainable and unreliable. The longevity of any relationship, platonic or romantic, is the mutual value gained from one another. When you take a girl out on a date, bring her into your reality; and not into an artificially fabricated dreamland.
More often than not, many dream that being able to have super hot sex all day long with the girl of their dreams will solve all their problems. Will it? Most definitely not. There are far much more complexities involved in being in a relationship; especially with a girl of extreme quality and desire. If you want to be successful with that one special girl, you should strive to be successful with yourself first. Women are not superficial goddesses. They are in this world to compliment you and your life. Take her off that platinum coated pedestal and begin to see women in a different shade of light. You are the pivot of which this world spins on.
Okay, now let’s get you out of the friend zone!
First thing you will have to do is disappear. Yes disappear! Not literally, but from her life for a temporary time being. Limit your social contact with her to a bare minimum. Long enough so that she misses your currently frequent conversations and gets her thinking about you in curiosity. “omg. but what if she gets a boyfriend? what if i miss my opportunity?!” What opportunity? Your current relationship as just-a-friend isn’t stopping her from seeing other guys anyways. During this time apart, keep yourself busy and growing in every direction possible: mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. This is all for YOU and NOT her.
Upon re-entering her life after a month or so, she will be presented with a powerfully attractive new man. You’ll be both socially and emotionally more adept. With more friends and in greater shape than you’ve ever been in, your lifestyle will be one she will be craving to be a part of. While all of this may serve you well from having her drop you back into the friend zone, the most important factor is that you must be comfortable with being sexual. As hidden intentions are by far creepier than revealing them, put it out there. Compliment her physique. Express how much you’ve missed her and want her back in your life. And take it from there.
Go get ‘em tiger!
At any given moment, there is someone out there in hopeless heartbreak of not knowing how to pursue their deepest desires. Complacency is often times the easiest choice. A guy may very well be deserving, respectful, honest, sophisticated, handsome, and even slightly outgoing. But his dreams of a potentially happily ever after path may not cross for the sole reason that he is unsure of himself on how to proceed. In the presence of truly elite men, a powerful aura of self-confidence and willpower radiates around them. Women deserve to have a selection of these type of suitors; those of true gentleman quality.
Social conditioning of unreasonable nuances has led us to a blinded fate of uncertainty. False implications, hinting us on the “impossibility” of achieving successes have demoralized our already weakened ambitions. Especially with attaining fortunes and higher quality women. With the exploration of social dynamics, it is now possible to uncover previously unforeseen opportunities in love and life. Mountains will crumble, oceans will part, and bridges will rise to make way for whichever destination of your slightest desire. You are capable of having this level of control over your life and interactions. It’s about time you embraced it.
The ideas I post here serve as a collection of revelations as I progress in better understanding social dynamics. Advice pertaining to romantic pursuits, social endeavors, and life in general will be prevalent in my writings. But much like any advice, it is your duty to question them. I dedicate this site to anyone who has ever felt insatiable with their life and in search for answers. I hope to be able to provide to you some inspiration. Or at the very least, a fresh perspective into what you may be capable of achieving. This hour, this day, your life, and the world are all up for grabs. It’s your decision whether or not you want it.
Just remember, it’s not easy being Superman. Best of luck!